Tug of war- Frustration Vs Optimism.

Caught I am in a jail. 
One wall- "parents and their expectations" 
Second wall- "so-called society"
Third wall- "friends, foes and acquaintances"
And lastly my unsecured future.
So much of treachery.
So much of cynical and brutal people all around.
One important lesson that I have learnt in life-
"As long as you are successful (read- "rich, famous and promising")
You have a plethora of people to support you.
But the moment you head downhill,
You find yourself all Alone.


People change like seasons.
In no time you find yourself in a complete mess.
You are made to realize the unrealistic melodrama of solitary confinement.
People (in general) and (kith and kin in particular) lose their faith in you.
There are some who console you.
There are others who are glib talkers and make sure
that they inundate your mind with their usual gyaan,
by stating how they handled difficulties in their respective lives
And finally became successful.


Believe me, sometimes it works.
But most of the time it hurts.
However,it amuses me.
I listen to them with great zest (but smile inwardly).
I feel as if there is no cure to this.
I try to divert my mind.
As they say- cultivate new hobbies, listen to soothing music,
I try out high doses of alprazolam and valium,
Only to free myself from this tyranny.
But all in vain!!


Sometimes, when the frustration reaches its saturated value,
I feel like smashing my bloody chest with a sharp,pointed knife
So that all my frustrations could vent out with the river of blood
Gushing out from my heart.
But alas! these are mere wishes- which can never be true.
Call me a coward or a pigeon-breasted individual-
I do not care.


I feel as if my mind is engrossed and preoccupied round the clock,
A persistent head-ache and unbearable body ache,
A tinge of tension creeping my spine,
At times I feel absolutely blank
and have no clue where I am heading to.
I scold myself (my destiny) a zillion times
with all the superlatives which any tongue of virtue would deny to.
I try my best to fall asleep.
But everything ends up in smoke.


There are times when I wish to vent out my feelings.
People say that if feels light when we let our feelings flow out.
However, that does not happen in my case.
I end up consuming limitless amount of caffeine
and cigarettes so as to destroy every inch of my lungs.
Most of the time,a feeling of guilt overpowers me.


I wish to cry to my heart's content.
Sometimes, I succeed.
But of late,I feel as if the lachrymal glands have already dried up.
A zillion drops of tears which aren't shed yet 
Make my life even more difficult to dwell.
This agony- this mental torture- seems to last forever.


But then again, in all these din and bustle,
There is a part in me which says 
"Everything is going to be fine in the times to come.
It happens to everyone at one one or the other stages of his/her life.
It is just a phase of life and I will get through it."
There is an undefined aura of optimism.
I feel confident. I literally feel a spark in my face.
Get charged up with emotions.
Look at the mirror and say aloud-
"Yes, I will change my destiny.
I will make my identity.
Someday, people will surely be proud of me.
And yes, I am sure I will be able to prove my capability.
I speak to myself- "Perhaps, I can not enjoy the sweet 
until and unless I experience the sour.


I remember the golden words of my dad-
"Son, this life is precarious and is full of ups and downs.
Never ever accept defeat in your life.
Like every other phase, this is nothing but temporary.
Have the fire within you to translate your dreams into reality.
There are no "Failures"- they are mere "Set-backs",
Which can be overcome by right attitude, perseverance and hard work."